Letter to Booth
by AlphaGirl447
Summary: Brennan has a way to deal with her emotional trauma: she writes letters to her partner that are never meant to be read. She hides them around her room inside picture frames. Will Booth ever read the letters? Will Brennan ever share her secret with Booth? Series of one shots/short stories
1. Chapter 1

This is my interpretation of Brennan's mindset immediately following Booth's supposed death in season three. Hope you all enjoy

~AlphaGirl13

I do not own bones

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 _Dear Booth,_

 _You are gone now, but I am writing as if you were still alive. Angela thinks it will help me cope with your death. She thinks I'm incredibly upset. But she doesn't know the truth of it. I am terrified Booth; I am afraid to live my life. Every person I allow myself to form a bond with, leaves in one form or another. My parents deserted me, and now you have been killed._

 _I only wish I had taken the opportunity to know you in a different way than I had. I only wished I had told you how I felt. For this letter, I am putting science aside, like you told me once, to tell you that I am in love with you. I have been for years, and I do not know if I will ever recover from your death. Disregarding science, I let you into my heart; I trusted you; I loved you. And I revealed things to you that I was afraid to reveal to myself._

 _And you showed me things I never dreamt possible. It was as if I was Galileo, and you were my telescope. You allowed me to see the entire universe; to see colors, feelings, and dreams that I could never have imagined._

 _These discoveries tilted my world upside down. Everything I believed, was now false. You showed me that the world is not black and white; it is filled with every shade of every color, and we cannot begin to understand its complexity. But these things were not destructive to my life, they only changed it. And in fact, I would say that you have changed me for the better._

 _In the vernacular, I was broken, and you fixed me. You took the shattered pieces of my heart and you began to put them back together. But I resisted; I fought. I didn't want to reassemble my heart for fear that it would shatter again. Perhaps now, I'll never fully recover from my parent's disappearance. You are no longer here to read me, to see my every feeling, and to know when I will need comfort before I know myself._

 _My life was richer with you in it; I was richer. I had a friend whom I could confide in, and a partner with whom I trusted my life. But I never told you, and I regret that now. You will never know how I've felt about you these three years. Or perhaps you did know; you could read and understand me better than anyone I've ever met._

 _I am sad that I will never get to read you the letter I wrote to you when I was buried alive. I am sad that I will never read this letter to you. And I am sad that another person that I loved has come and gone from my life. Experience is a cruel teacher, and your death has taught me one, very important lesson. I can never give my heart to someone again, not fully. I will only be left broken in the end. And if your death hasn't already metaphorically shattered my heart beyond repair, someone else will. I must protect myself, mend my heart to the best of my ability, and keep going with my head held high._

 _I will not be going to your funeral. I need to close myself off again before I face a calamity that I cannot overcome. I do not know if your death will be such a calamity, but I must protect myself in case it is. I must fortify my walls and be ready to weather a storm that I may not survive. There is a difference between living and surviving. Living is embracing happiness, it is enjoying life. Surviving is simply not succumbing to death. I loved you; you started to fix my broken heart. I do not know if I have the emotional capabilities to live through your death, but I will close off my heart, and I will survive it._

 _I hope you found your heaven Booth. Because when you died, you took mine with you._

I put down the pen and read over the letter. A single tear fell on the paper, blurring the first two words. I wiped it away and folded the letter into fourths. My eye was drawn to the fire, and I considered throwing the paper in. but instead I turned away, and slid it behind the glass of a picture frame.

The picture was of me and Booth facing each other, smiling. Angela had snapped the photo after one of our first cases. There was already another paper behind the glass, a torn page of my novel: another letter I couldn't bring myself to burn. Attaching the frame back together, I set it on my window sill, facing the rising sun.

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Please review!


	2. Letter to Me?

Based on a suggestion from gatewatcher, I wrote this sequel to Brennan's letter. I hope you all enjoy. Please review!

~AlphaGirl13

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Bones walked into the bedroom, looking for one of her cider mugs. This week's craving was spiced apple cider with peppermint and basil. I had to search high and low to find candy canes for her to stir in the hot drink. We only had one box, and I kept them above the cabinets, so she could only eat them when I got them down. This way, I made sure she didn't eat all 24 in a day.

As I reached for the box, I noticed the picture of us that she kept on the window sill. It was always facing east, but today it was glass down on the sill. The window was slightly open and a strong gust of wind must have knocked it over. Smiling, I reached over and picked up the picture. This one had always been my favorite; we stood close together, facing each other. Wide smiles adorned our faces. Her eyes were so incredibly blue in that lighting.

A loud crash echoed from the bedroom. Dropping the picture, I ran from the kitchen and towards Bones. Almost slamming into the door frame, I stooped myself just in the entrance to the room. Her shattered mug was on the floor and Bones was grinning, holding her hands against a spot on her belly. She looked up at me, her eyes sparkling.

"Come here, the baby is kicking."

I smiled widely and walked over. She guided my hand to the little foot pressing against her skin. I traced the outline of my child's foot, pressing a kiss to Bones' neck. She chuckled and turned to kiss me back. Once we released, she looked up at me.

"Sorry about the mug. Angela called, and I wasn't paying attention. When the baby kicked, I straightened up quickly and knocked the cup off the bedside table."

I smiled at the love of my life. "Don't worry about it. What did Angela want?"

Bones turned away and grabbed her keys. "Apparently she found a gift for our child. She wants me to come over right now. I should be back in a few hours."

I nodded and hooked one arm around her waist. Pulling her in towards me, I pressed my lips into hers. She deepened the kiss, granting me access. When she finally pulled back, I was hungry for more. She laughed and pushed my face away.

"I'll be back Booth." I watched her go then picked up the shattered mug. Taking it into the kitchen, I opened the cabinet under the sink and threw the pieces away. As I turned and closed the door, my foot brushed against something hard. I looked down to see the shattered glass of Bones' favorite picture frame.

"Oh no." My voice was quiet and hoarse. Kneeling down, I gingerly picked up the broken frame. The picture was fine, but the glass and frame were destroyed. I turned it over to assess the damage, and saw a little corner of white peeking out. I sat down, leaning against the cabinet, and gently removed the paper from behind the picture. It was folded neatly, crisply, and looked as though it hadn't been handled in years. I opened it carefully. The writing was unmistakable, Bones' neat cursive covered the page. The first two words were blurred, but I could faintly make out "Dear Booth." My heart beat wildly. She wrote this to me? I took a deep breath and read the next few lines.

" _You are gone now, but I am writing as if you were still alive. Angela thinks it will help me cope with your death. She thinks I'm incredibly upset, but she doesn't know the truth of it. I am terrified Booth; I am afraid to live my life. Every person I allow myself to form a bond with, leaves in one way or another. My parents deserted me, and now you have been killed."_

I gasped sharply. She wrote this after I was shot and the FBI faked my death. This must have been why she was so upset to find out I was alive. I shook my head to clear it and kept reading.

" _I only wish I had taken the opportunity to know you in a different way than I had. I only wished I had told you how I felt. For this letter, I am putting science aside, like you told me once, to tell you that I am in love with you. I have been for years, and I do not know if I will ever recover from your death. Disregarding science, I let you into my heart; I trusted you; I loved you. And I revealed things to you that I was afraid to reveal to myself._

She had loved me for years. And she knew it. I took a deep breath and rubbed my forehead. She had loved me long before I knew that I loved her. All those things that Sweets always said, all the times I denied having feelings for her: they must have killed her. She must have been in so much pain. I must have caused her so much pain. But she never said a thing; she braved her own personal hell because she was too afraid to put herself out there and jeopardize our partnership or risk rejection. I took a shaky breath and continued reading.

" _And you showed me things I never dreamt possible. It was as if I was Galileo, and you were my telescope. You allowed me to see the entire universe; to see colors, feelings, and dreams that I could never have imagined._

 _These discoveries tilted my world upside down. Everything I believed, was now false. You showed me that the world is not black and white; it is filled with every shade of every color, and we cannot begin to understand its complexity. But these things were not destructive to my life, they only changed it. And in fact, I would say that you have changed me for the better._

 _In the vernacular, I was broken, and you fixed me. You took the shattered pieces of my heart and you began to put them back together. But I resisted; I fought. I didn't want to reassemble my heart for fear that it would shatter again. Perhaps now, I'll never fully recover from my parent's disappearance. You are no longer here to read me, to see my every feeling, and to know when I will need comfort before I know myself._ "

"I had no idea Bones." I spoke barely above a whisper. She thought that I opened up the world to her. Her entire life was thrown around when she thought I died. I had no idea how much it would affect her. The guilt that plagued me after that incident returned, now with a renewed vigor. I pushed those thoughts aside and kept reading.

" _My life was richer with you in it; I was richer. I had a friend whom I could confide in, and a partner with whom I trusted my life. But I never told you, and I regret that now. You will never know how I've felt about you these three years. Or perhaps you did know; you could read and understand me better than anyone I've ever met._

 _I am sad that I will never get to read you the letter I wrote to you when I was buried alive. I am sad that I will never read this letter to you. And I am sad that another person that I loved has come and gone from my life. Experience is a cruel teacher, and your death has taught me one, very important lesson. I can never give my heart to someone again, not fully. I will only be left broken in the end. And if your death hasn't already metaphorically shattered my heart beyond repair, someone else will. I must protect myself, mend my heart to the best of my ability, and keep going with my head held high._

 _I will not be going to your funeral. I need to close myself off again before I face a calamity that I cannot overcome. I do not know if your death will be such a calamity, but I must protect myself in case it is. I must fortify my walls and be ready to weather a storm that I may not survive. You taught me that there is a difference between living and surviving. Living is embracing happiness, it is enjoying life. Surviving is simply not succumbing to death. I loved you; you started to fix my broken heart. I do not know if I have the emotional capabilities to live through your death, but I will close off my heart, and I will survive it._

 _I hope you found your heaven Booth. Because when you died, you took mine with you."_

She thought I was her heaven? I was so important to her that she ignored science to tell me that she was in love with me. She said I was her heaven, her entire world. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I quickly put the letter back before they dropped on the paper. I concealed it well, and picked up the frame. I would give it to her when she got home, saying I dropped it. I wouldn't tell her that I read the letter. If she hadn't shown it to me by now, she never meant for me to read it.

* * *

"Booth, I'm back. Angela got us a onesie that says 'Baby Squint'. It's very cute act..." Bones walked through the front door and her voice faded as she saw the picture frame on the counter. Her face blanched, and she stopped dead in her tracks.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry Bones. I dropped it and the frame broke. I didn't do anything with it. I figured you had another frame you'd want to use." I knew she was afraid that I had seen the letter, but I sat at the table, not saying anything.

She recovered quickly. "You-You didn't do anything with it?" She approached the counter and gingerly took the broken frame.

I shook my head. "Not a thing." I turned around to get a glass from above the sink. I heard a small sigh of relief and then footsteps back towards the bedroom. When Bones returned, the picture was in a new frame. She smiled at me.

"There." She placed the picture back on the window sill, though now it was facing in. Smiling, she pulled me in close and touched her lips to mine. I kissed her gingerly. She only pulled away to place my hand over the baby's kicks.

I grinned widely. She had loved me for years. She didn't really believe in all that chemical message crap. She was in love with me. And I was in love with her. I made a decision.

"Why are you smiling so much?" She stared at me, confused.

I shrugged, it's just nice to feel the baby kick. I couldn't tell her why I was really smiling. I'd have to bring it up later. We were supposed to go to my apartment tomorrow and spend this week there. I was tired of sharing homes with her. So the next time I got the chance, I was going to ask her to move in with me; I was going to ask for us to get a house together, just our own.

Bones smiled, kissed me slightly, and walked into the bedroom. I heard the shower start, and I quickly took the back off the new picture frame. The paper was gone.


	3. My Letters- My Life

As Booth turned around, I gingerly picked up the picture frame and took off the back. Both papers were still there, folded, and undisturbed. I let out a small sigh of relief, then quickly retreated to the bedroom. Taking all of the pictures from around my bedroom, I undid every back and took out every paper. They sat in a pile on my bed as I reassembled every frame and got a new one for the picture of Booth and me. I walked out, smiling, and set the picture back on the window sill, this time I faced it in.

That night, once Booth fell soundly asleep, I removed all the papers from my bedside table. Holding them tightly in my hand, I left the room and walked into the kitchen. I sat down at the island, the letters clutched tightly in my hands. He could have seen them. He was so close to my innermost, most private thoughts, and he had no idea.

I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath. Rubbing my hand over my stomach, I willed my child to quiet down. Once the baby stopped kicking my spleen, I spread out the papers across the island. Each one was written at a different time, about various events in my life, but they were all addressed to Booth. There were a lot from the few months that he spent with Hannah, and not one since we got together.

The oldest was the letter I wrote to him after the Christmas we spent locked in the Jeffersonian. I picked it up, the paper now almost 7 years old. The white was now slightly yellow, but it had been protected behind the picture of my mother. The next one was from when we found my mother's remains. That one was written on a piece of college ruled paper from my university notebook. The next was the letter I wrote on the torn page of my novel. I read it over, smiling at the memory of him pulling me from the ground.

The next was the letter I wrote when I thought he had died. It was one of the longest, and simply reading it made me eyes well with tears. Drying my eyes, and blaming the hormones, I continued sorting through the letters.

Every time I was incredibly upset, or felt some serious emotional issues, I wrote a letter to him. I never had the heart to get rid of them, so I hid them behind my most meaningful pictures. I never meant for him to see them either; they were my personal secret, my own little way of dealing with the world.

My hand brushed across the only typed letter in the pile. I knew it immediately, and this time I didn't stop the tears that formed. This particular time had been very difficult for me, and I hadn't read it in a long time. I removed the letter from the pile.

I took a deep breath, then began to read.

 _Dear Booth_

 _You will never read this, as you will never read any of my letters, but I am going to write this anyway. As always, I'm going to disregard science for just a few moments. I am in love with you Booth. I have known it for years. And the idea of having a child with you excited me because it was the closest I could get to you without having to risk rejection. I can't put my shattered heart back together again for fear that if it breaks again, the fault lines will only spread and the damage will be irreparable._

 _You don't know who I am. You think I am your wife, and you think we are pregnant. I had to reveal to everyone the story that I wrote during those four days. I had to tell Sweets about the incredibly personal book that I wrote, purely for my own eyes. I created us a story Booth, a story that some part of me wishes was true._

 _We were married. We were in love. And we were happy. It took you so long to wake up, I thought I'd never hear your voice gain, I thought I'd never again fall into your arms or feel your warm presence close to me. I thought I'd never get the chance with you that I had always wanted. To put it simply, the story wrote itself, and I allowed my wishes, dreams, and fears to be put into writing._

 _When you interpreted this, I had to explain to everyone why you thought we were married. Never in my life have I revealed something to personal and emotional to that large a group of people. Everyone knew that I wrote the book about us, not Lister and Reichs._

 _When they told me that you might never wake up, Angela took me home to her apartment and I slept there. She didn't trust me to be alone, but I'm better alone. I always do better alone. So, I started sleeping at the hospital. For four days, Ange brought me clothes, I showered in your bathroom, and I never left your side._

 _I wrote constantly, reading out loud. The story was only supposed to be mine Booth. And now you're living it, and I have to watch you lust for someone who isn't even real. I am not your wife, and I have to constantly remind myself that your feelings will fade. You don't feel the same for me as I do for you. And you never will. So, I will continue writing my letters, I will continue to be your partner, and I will never allow myself to start a relationship with you._

 _I'm too afraid to hurt you Booth. And I'm terrified to hurt myself. I can't open up my heart like you can, I am guarded and broken and you don't need that in your life. I want you find a good woman, one who will love you and want a life with you. You're too good a man to live with my emotional trauma. I'm better off alone, I always have been, and I always will be._

 _So I will continue my life as it has been for the past four years. You will recover, forget your supposed feelings for me, and I will continue feeling pain every time I see you. But that normality is not now. You are living a lie, and I am feeling the effects. I'm going to leave the country Booth. I am unable to stay here with you thinking I am your wife. If I interact with you much more, I will allow my emotions to make my decisions, and I will only be hurt in the end. Your feelings will fade, and that is when I will return. That is when my life will be normal again._

 _I have always been adept at hiding my pain Booth, and I feared no one. But this time, I fear myself; I fear what my emotions will cause me to do. So I am running, and I know that. But I will write you letters. Letters, you're never supposed to read, but letters nonetheless. After all, that's how my life has always been._

Two salty streams were running down my face. His coma had been more painful for me than his supposed death. He had awoken with feelings for me, feelings that I thought would fade. I couldn't risk getting into a relationship when I knew the feelings weren't real. So I ran away.

I will never regret saying no to him in front of the Hoover. I wasn't ready to accept him yet. But Hannah's presence caused me great pain. Looking at the table, four dozen or so letters dotted the table. Maybe a quarter of them were from the few months when Booth was dating Hannah. But I hadn't written a single one since I told him I was pregnant; I had no need to.

Gathering up all the letters, I walked to the book shelf and opened up the family picture album. I stuck a letter between every few pages. No matter how many years passed, I couldn't bring myself to get rid of the letters. They were a part of my history, a part of who I was. I returned to the island and covered my face with my hands. I let the tears fall until Booth walked out and enveloped me in a strong hug. He buried his face in my hair, and made soft, soothing sounds. I knew I would never need to write another letter as long as we were happily together. And I knew that someday I would show him the letters. I would tell him just how extensive my feelings had been, and how long I'd known.

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 **Please review! I left this open to lots of possibilities. Let me know if there are any letters that you guys would like to see**

 **~AlphaGirl13**


	4. Between the Pages

**This is the last scene of the season 8 finale from Booth's perspective. It is not part of the story of the last three chapters, but it is part of the over all story line: the letters. I was inspired, and wrote this at 2 in the morning. Hope you all enjoy**

 **~AlphaGirl13**

* * *

I had to tell her. Somehow, I had to cancel the wedding. As much as I hated it, as much as I wanted him dead, Pelant was right. I would not trade five innocent lives for my own happiness.

I stuck my hands deep within my pockets and walked into the living room. She was sitting there, on the couch, the love of my life. She looked up, smiling.

"Is Christine asleep?"

"Yeah."

I walked around to face her.

"Angela gave me this magazine." She laughed. "I- I don't understand why all these women are wearing white dresses. There's no way they're all virgins." She smiled up at me, a genuine and glowing smile. I savored it for a moment. Once I told her, how long would it be before I saw that smile again?

She noticed the look on my face, and her expression hardened.

"Is something- Is something the matter?" she stared up at me, quizzically. My heart clenched. I was about to cause her enormous pain, and I couldn't tell her why. My beautiful fiancée. I allowed the word to sit at the tip of my tongue, tasting it, rolling it around. But I didn't let it out, I swallowed it painfully. We weren't engaged.

I sat down heavily. I knew what I was going to tell her. I had spent hours thinking of the perfect speech to give her. But it wasn't any easier. I was going to break her heart; she had faced so much pain in her life, and this time it was me causing it.

"We need to talk." I took a deep breath.

She leaned forward and placed the magazine on the coffee table. She shifted her seat. "Okay."

I looked away, taking a moment to compose myself. If I cried or showed any remorse, she would know that this wasn't what I truly wanted. She had to believe that I honestly didn't want to get married.

"About the…wedding." I hesitated. The word wedding used to taste sweet in my mouth; it was a promise of a future, a life with the woman I loved. But it was as if Pelant had hacked into my mouth and changed my tongue. The word was now bitter and painful to swallow. "Bout us getting married."

She rushed to reassure me. "Oh, the ceremony, that doesn't matter to me. And I won't be wearing white." She stared to continue, but I cut her off.

"I don't think we should do it." I couldn't let her sit there, plan our wedding, and be happy when I knew that I couldn't let us go through with it. I made eye contact, watched the tears begin to form in her eyes. She swallowed with great difficulty. "I should have thought this through before." I continued with my rehearsed speech. Her eyes were red and glistening.

"But this is what you want." My heart broke when she didn't immediately agree with me. She was revealing herself, she was fighting for something that she'd been afraid to want for so long. She was actually allowing herself to see past her walls and try to be happy.

I glanced away. "But you didn't." Tears began to form, and I had to look away lest she know I wasn't sincere.

"But I do now…" her voice was soft and quiet; she was vulnerable and upset. And she was letting me see it. The cracks in my heart began to spread.

She took a shaky breath. "I love you, and I want to marry you."

I shook my head. "Because we've been under so much pressure. I mean that's really what's going on here."

Her face showed complete and utter betrayal. She was horrified, hurt, and afraid. She was afraid of me. She probably didn't even know it herself, but I saw fear in her eyes. I was hurting her, just like everyone else she'd ever known, and she was terrified. I tried to reassure her that I did want to marry her. God knows that I loved her with every fiber of my being. There was nothing I wanted more on earth than to be her husband, but my hands were tied.

"I mean, like you said, its- it's just a piece of paper." She had said that a marriage license was a meaningless piece of paper. But it was a piece of paper that was just as meaningless as Pelant's death certificate. And one of those had to come first, before the other could occur.

I looked her in the eye, trying to communicate to her that I loved her. "I mean, what we have already is enough."

She looked away, nodding. Her eyes shined with unshed tears, and she pursed her lips, trying to compose herself. When she finally looked back at me, she had gotten herself mostly together.

"You're right."

My heart shattered. She was agreeing with me; she was re-erecting the walls I had spent eight years tearing down. Her smile was pained and forced.

"You're right. I'm- It's been a stressful time and um- I'm- I'm impressed that you're finally seeing things from my perspective." Her voice cracked, ending in an almost whisper. The tears were close to falling, but she refused to let me see her so vulnerable. I had destroyed her, she felt like she had to protect herself again. I hung my head, ashamed, angry, disappointed, and hurting for the woman I loved.

"Right."

I sat back, trying to regain my composure.

"Do you want to order in? I can make some sauce…"

She stood. "I'm not really hungry. I'm just gonna go upstairs and read for a bit." Her voice was cold and calculating. Her walls were back up, and there was no way she was going to let me back inside. I stood to follow.

"Right. I'm not hungry either. Hey, Bones" She turned to me and I paused. Her name felt like daggers inside my mouth. I had hurt her, the one thing I promised I would never do. She asked me once if I would betray her, and I had looked her in the eye and said no. And here we were, I was breaking my promise.

My voice was shaky and uncertain. "Um- we're okay right?"

She sighed heavily. "Of course." She turned and walked away.

"Right." I watched her leave the room. I knew she stood on the other side of the wall for a moment. I knew she allowed the emotion to catch up to her, to let the tears fall. I knew she slumped down, barely able to hold herself up. I knew her. And I knew that I just struck the biggest canyon possible between the two of us.

I sat down heavily, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I would catch and kill that little bastard who ruined my family. And then I would sweep Temperance into the air and ask her to marry me. I would explain everything, and I would apologize till my lips were sore. I stared at the ceiling, thinking of nothing.

When I finally walked upstairs, I dreaded what I would find. I knew she hadn't written since she'd been on the road. I knew she'd been happy, we'd been happy. I walked in to find her asleep, curled up in a ball. Her hair was mused, and her faces shimmered with drying tears. The bridal magazine was clutched in her hand. Silently, I gingerly removed it from her arms. I flipped through till I saw it- the thing I dreaded the most.

In between two pages, she had placed an old picture of a wedding dress. And on the back, Bones had written me a letter.

* * *

 **Please review! Let me know if there are any letters you guys would like to see.**

 **~AlphaGirl13**


	5. The Only One

**You guys requested it, so here it is. The letter that Brennan wrote to Booth from the last chapter. Hope you all enjoy!**

 **~AlphaGirl13**

* * *

I slumped against the wall, unable to lift my feet onto the stairs. Letting the tears build, I allowed myself to feel the full weight of what Booth had just said. I couldn't hear him, he was waiting for me to leave. I bit my lip and climbed up to our room.

I hesitated in the doorframe, staring at the empty bed. I slid down the wall, sitting in almost complete darkness. Wrapping my arms around my knees, I buried my face in my legs. The tears flowed freely and I shook with uncharacteristic sobs. Once I regained my breath, I lifted my head and moved to sit against the bed. Turning on my bedside lamp, I reached for a pen.

I opened the bridal magazine and turned to the pages holding the ancient picture. I had stuck it there when Angela gave me the magazine. The picture was faded and old; the color had worn away along the well-used folding lines. But the dress was still clearly visible. It was long, layered, simple, and gorgeous. I let a single tear escape my eye and land on the photo. Wiping it away with my thumb, I turned the picture over.

As I put pen to paper, I recalled the last time I'd written him a letter: while we were on the run, just before I found the guidance counselor's body. We'd been so happy, I hadn't needed to write to him. I just talked to him openly. But now that wasn't possible. It was clear that he didn't want a life with me, perhaps he didn't even want to be together anymore. It was a definite possibility that he was only staying with me for Christine's sake. I took a deep, shaky breath, and started to write.

 _Booth,_

 _Emotions are difficult for me, but I know that I am hurt. I am drowning in my own terror and sadness. I feel as if I will never escape this void that you have now placed me in. I've been terrified and skeptical of marriage for years. But when I read that letter that you wrote to me, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. The letter was hidden in your gun safe; I assume you never meant for me to read it, and I apologize for doing so. But god Booth, I read it and realized how much I loved you, and how much you loved me._

 _I have never wanted something so badly as to have a relationship with you Booth. And I struggled for years with the attraction that I felt so keenly every time you smiled at me. I knew Sweets saw it, and I knew Gordon Gordon saw it. But you never did. I'm not good at reading people Booth, but I know you didn't have feelings for me until after your brain surgery. And I was absolutely terrified of you after that. No, I was terrified of myself. So I ran away. When I returned, you still had feelings for me, but I thought they were superficial. I thought they would fade. Every time I caught you looking at me, it hurt. I wanted more than anything to be with you, but I was afraid that your feelings would fade and I would have revealed myself for no reason, and with an unfavorable outcome._

 _And then you tried to give us a chance, and I was still afraid that your feelings were just a side effect. And I was afraid of being broken, this time beyond repair. So I said no, and soon after I ran again. When we met again, I was ready to tell you how I felt, if you hadn't met someone, or moved on. Logic suggested that if you hadn't found another woman and still had feelings for me, then those feelings must be more than a side effect. I was ready to reveal myself to you. But you found Hannah. And that hurt me more than anything else in my life ever has. I watched a man whom I loved, love another woman. I wrote more in those three months, than I ever have in my life. I wrote more letters to you in that little time than I did to my parents in the years that they were missing._

 _I wanted to run. I wanted to escape the happy life that you were living because it was causing me so much damn pain. But there was nowhere for me to go. I had to stay, and watch you fall so deeply into the throes of love. Finally, I got up the courage, though later I thought it was idiocy, to tell you how I felt. And I did so at the worst possible time._

 _Then, Hannah left your life, and you gave me an ultimatum. I wanted so much more, but simply being your partner, and dealing with that constant pain, was better than never seeing you again. Over time, you started to regain yourself. And in that elevator and later that night, we talked about us. I implied that I still had feelings for you, and I think you understood. You said that you were angry, and you needed time. And we wrote dates on pieces of paper. Dates that we wanted to be able to get together. I don't know what you put down, but I didn't write a date Booth. Instead, I wrote a single word._

 _Family._

 _That was all I ever wanted Booth. I had been abandoned by my family, and though I now know the truth, I still feel the effects of that abandonment. I was and am so deeply in love with you. I wanted a life, a child, a happy ending. Yes, a life and a family and marriage terrified me, but I also wanted it all so badly. And now…_

 _But then, I ended up pregnant. And we finally got together. We were finally able to put aside all our fears, and truly admit our attraction. But I fought you for so long. I wanted to let you in, but the idea of having a child, and starting a new life, absolutely terrified me. But we got through it. And I love both you and Christine more than I can even describe._

 _Then I was accused of murder, and I had to leave. I ran again, though this time, it wasn't because of you. We were separated for months, and you didn't see your daughter for such a long time. Once I returned, we patched up our old life and survived the struggles that my absence had created. We worked through our emotional and personal issues. My fear, your anger, and our inability to communicate those feelings._

 _And now, I've finally completely revealed myself to you. I took the final step that I had been terrified of since my parents left. In the vernacular, I gave you my heart, something I've never done before. Yes, I have revealed small pieces of myself to people, but never have I let myself and my happiness become so contingent upon another person. I metaphorically gave you my heart, and you slammed it onto the ground and shattered it._

 _And it was a mistake. I realize that now. I never should have let myself go like that. I thought you wanted a marriage, and I thought that with you I could finally overcome my fear and live out a happy life, but I was wrong. And I am sorry for that. But you broke me Booth. I was terrified to ask for fear that you would say no, that I would be rejected. And you did say no; you don't want a life with me Booth. I just revealed my entire self, my hopes, dreams, and fears to you, and you said we shouldn't do it._

 _God Booth, I love you so much. I asked once, and you said you would never betray me. And you just did. You've been wanting marriage for so long, but as soon as I reveal that I want it too, you change your mind. You hurt me Booth, and I don't know if I will live through this. I will survive, but I may not live._

Two streams of tears flowed down my face. I tilted my head up, against the bed, and closed my eyes. I clutched the picture gingerly and climbed onto the bed. I placed the photo back between the pages of the magazine and put it on the nightstand. I turned off the light, and tried to sleep.

But rest wouldn't come, and eventually I sat up, still crying, and turned on the light. Removing the picture, I picked up the pen and wrote one last thing. At the bottom of the photo, I wrote a short poem, releasing the final bits of emotion still bottled up inside me. I tucked the picture back between the pages, then turned off the light, and fell asleep, clutching the magazine in my arms.

 _I gave to you everything I had_

 _Everything in my power_

 _I gave to you everything I am_

 _Everything in my soul_

 _I should know by now not to let myself go_

 _I am only hurt in the process_

 _I should know by now that I must stand alone_

 _No one else can be trusted_

 _In the past, I have let myself be supported_

 _I have fallen once abandoned_

 _In the past, I have let myself trust others_

 _I have been broken once they leave_

 _And now, I've learnt my lesson:_

 _No reliance on anyone else_

 _And now, I've learnt my lesson:_

 _I am the only one I need_

* * *

 **Please let me know what you think of the poem, writing poetry makes me self conscious and this is the first one I've posted. Review and let me know what letters you all want to see!**

 **~AlphaGirl13**


	6. Guilt Love Jealousy

**Ok wow. This chapter was hard to write. It's based on Season 6 Episode 5- The Bones That Weren't. I always over-analyzed that look on Brennan's after she tells Hannah about the dangerous fracture. But when I sat down to write this, it went in directions I didn't intend. There so much potential in this episode, and I hope I did it justice. Enjoy**

 **~AlphaGirl13**

* * *

I walked into my apartment, guilt weighing heavy on my shoulders. There was nothing I wanted more than to talk to him, to let myself fall against him. I just wanted to be held, something I never let myself want. I fell against the wall. I couldn't hold myself up anymore, and he wasn't there to support me. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes, and I struggled to stand upright. I knew I had to get back to work, but I just couldn't bring myself to face anyone. I had to deal with this on my own.

I kicked off my shoes and shuffled over to the island. I sat down heavily and rested my head in one hand. My eyes roamed the kitchen, finally landing on a pen and pad of paper. I always kept it there, but I'd only ever written specific things on that paper. And they were hidden around my apartment. I blinked away the tears and picked up the pen. This was how I dealt, this was how I managed the emotions that I couldn't figure out.

 _Dear Booth,_

 _Logically, I know that guilt is absurd. And I know that love is just chemicals in the brain. And yet I feel both of these things. How can I explain this to you if I can't explain them to myself? I guess the answer is simple: I will never explain them to you. So the explanation is: I'm in love with you Booth. And in some way, in my own logical way, I've known that for years. But god, I was just too afraid to ever say anything. But now I'm not afraid. I was going to tell you, but you met Hannah._

 _Guilt. Love. Jealousy. These things are irrational. And yet I can't stop myself from feeling them. I'm so impossibly jealous of Hannah. She has you. And since you've met her, I've never felt so alone in my life. You're here, but you're not mine. I went to New York for three days and you didn't even notice Booth. You had no idea._

 _I want what she has. I want all of you. But I gave up my chance, and I know that. But emotions have never been my strength, and I can't shut down these feelings._

 _Guilt. I saved Hannah's life today. And after I did, for a split second, I wished I hadn't. I want you so bad that I was willing to let a woman die so that she wasn't with you. And as soon as I thought that, I pushed it away. But I couldn't stay at the hospital and face you. How could I even think about letting another woman die for my happiness? What kind of person am I?_

I had to put the pen down as my hands shook. Tears streamed down my face and I buried myself in my hands. Taking deep breaths, I was able to calm myself enough to continue writing.

 _I do not regret saving Hannah's life. But a small part of me wished I'd never seen the X-rays. And that part of me scares me. When did I become a monster who's willing to sacrifice others for her own gain? I saved her life. And I knew that means I can never be with you. I can't have what I've been too afraid to want. But god I've always wanted it Booth._

 _I saved her life. And for a moment, I wished I hadn't. This guilt is still fresh. This pain isn't going away. And unlike usual, you're not here to hold me. She's changed you Booth. You don't care about me like you used to. I don't matter as much anymore. I don't matter to you as much as you matter to me. And that scares me. I just want us to be normal again. I want you to be willing to put your life on the line for me. I want you to value me above everything else._

 _Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'm a terrible person, I really don't know. But I do know that I want you to be happy. Because Booth, you may not value me first anymore, but I will always put you before myself. I may want you to know how I feel, but I will never force you out of something that makes you happy._

 _I've been hurting myself to protect you for years. It's nothing I'm not used to. So I will live with this guilt so that you don't have to. I will live with this pain so that you can be happy. You moved on Booth, and that hurt me. But I know that I pushed you away. I couldn't gamble on our friendship. I couldn't risk losing you. And now, that's exactly what I've done._

 _It takes a lot for me to trust someone Booth. But once I do, you have my loyalty forever. This quality has caused me untold pain. Especially with you. But I will never stop putting you before me. I will always be there when you need a shoulder, and I will always be a pillar that you can stand on. That will never change._

 _I only wish that you would do the same. But she's changed you. And I've lost you._

 _I've lost you. And I'm never going to get you back._

I crossed my arms on the table and hid my face from the world. I was alone, and yet I still felt the need to protect myself. I still felt like I had to hide. He had destroyed me. He had torn down my walls, and forced me to admit feelings that I spent so long trying to hide. I'd always admitted them to myself, but I had adamantly hidden them from everyone else. And he made me show those to the world.

I stood up and wiped my eyes. I could fall apart later. But I had a job to do, and Booth wasn't as observant as he used to be. He wouldn't notice I was upset; he wouldn't console me. I had to do this on my own. Blinking away tears, I left my apartment, leaving the letter on the counter. There was no one to hide from. I was alone. Like always, I was alone.


	7. Revealed

**This my follow up to Brennan's letter after Hannah's surgery. Some of you thought it would be sweet it Booth found this letter. I hate to say it, but I went in a not-so-heartwarming direction. Hope you all enjoy!**

 **~AG13**

* * *

I walked up the stairs to my apartment, grocery bags hanging heavily from my arms. As I rooted around in the bags, looking for my keys, a quiet noise sounded from behind the closed door. I stopped moving, allowing the entire hallway to be completely silent. Carefully, I set the bags down and tested the doorknob. It was unlocked, with no signs of a break in. I silently cracked the door and peered in.

Hannah was sitting at the island, a hand covering her mouth. Sighing with relief, I picked up my bags and walked into the apartment.

"Hannah? You only got out of surgery a few hours ago!" I squinted at her. "Was I expecting you?"

The blonde looked up, tears forming in her eyes.

"Oh my god Temperance!"

She stood up quickly and slammed something onto the counter. Grabbing her crutches, she hobbled towards the door. I put a hand out to stop her.

"Woah, where are you going?"

Hannah's face was flushed and her eyes were red from crying.

"I uh- I have to go."

She tried to slide past me and open the door, but I reached out and grabbed her hand.

"No, you don't. What's wrong?"

As I closed the door, she glanced nervously at the counter. Confused, I walked over and picked up the paper she'd been reading.

Gasping suddenly, I dropped the paper and backed into a wall. My hands flew to my mouth and I stifled a quiet scream.

"Did- did you- did you read this?" My voice stuttered nervously.

Hannah looked away and nodded, tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Temperance. I didn't mean to take him away from you."

I turned away, trying to calm my racing heart.

"And you're right. It does say a lot that I came to check on you and he didn't." Hannah's voice rang out somewhere behind me.

I turned. "You came to check on me?"

She nodded. "You didn't seem so happy before you left." She glanced at the paper sadly. "Now I know why."

I took a deep breath. "Hannah I-"

She held up her hand. "Don't bother. You have every right to feel the way you do. And I'm sorry I haven't noticed how distant he's been with you."

She paused slightly. "I'm sorry you got put into the position you did. A man you love, loving someone else."

Hiding myself from her, I took the letter off the counter and placed it in a drawer. I leaned against the counter, unable to face her.

"I'm sorry Hannah. No one was ever meant to read that letter. Those were my private, inappropriate thoughts. I should never have written those things about you and I'm sorry. I just want Booth to be happy. It's what I've always wanted, and what I've always worked for."

There was silence. I turned.

"Hannah…?"

The journalist was on the floor, shaking violently.

""HANNAH!"

I screamed and rushed to her side. Throwing things out of the way, I cleared the room of all potential dangers. I timed the seizure, trying to gauge its seriousness. Suddenly, there was a pounding at the door.

"Bones! Open up I can't find Hannah! She left the hospital…"

He burst burst through the door to see me kneeling over Hannah's unconscious body.

His eyes went wide and he scrambled over, pulling out his phone and dialing 911.

"What happened?!"

He turned to look at me, frantic.

"Bones what happened?!"

I backed into a wall, unable to speak. It was my fault. The letter was too much emotion for her, too much shock.

The ambulance arrived and left, and Booth went with it, leaving me alone in a ruined apartment. I buried my face in my knees and cried. It was the only thing I could do.

I walked into the hospital. Booth had left hours ago, I could go see her without having to face him. As I walked into Hannah's room, a nurse greeted me.

"She's just woken up. But she has no memory of the last few hours or so. A grand meal seizure and the subsequent drugs will do that to you. Careful what you say."

She left and I felt my stomach flutter. She didn't remember. She had no idea what that paper said. Swallowing past a lump in my throat, I walked up to her bed. We talked for a bit then she glanced around.

"Hey, where's my gift?"

I was silent for a moment, not because I misunderstood, but because I was thinking of every gift Booth had ever given me. Shaking away those painful memories, I smiled and handed her my sunglasses.

I would have time to reminisce later. I could dream and fear and cry and love when I was alone. People always assume that if you're alone, you must be lonely. No, being alone just gave me a time to be myself and reveal all the emotions I hid from the world. Being alone was a time free of the judgement that I faced every day.

* * *

 **As any author, I love reviews! Let me know what you thought!**

 **~AG13**


	8. Intoxication

**Wow. It's been so long since I've updated this story. Oh, I also slightly edited chapter 7, just to make it a tad more in character. Well this is from The Daredevil in the Mold. You know, the episode that got rid of a character that most of you despise. Anyway, sorry it's been so long guys! Hope you all enjoy this!**

 **~AlphaGirl13**

* * *

 _Dear Booth,_

 _I have been sitting here for over an hour, trying to verbalize all the thoughts in my head. The alcohol is really not helping. I can say that it took me an hour after Hannah's phone call to go to the Founding Fathers'. It took me an hour to work up the courage to go see you._

 _Six years and an hour. Six years and an hour to get up the courage to talk to you in that state. That actually makes no sense. I blame the alcohol._

 _Then again I really had no choice but to drink. I couldn't let you sever our partnership. The constant pain of seeing you every day pales in comparison to never seeing you. And you offered me no other choices. So I had to drink._

 _You were far more drunk than I when I finally hailed you a cab. But still I can't see quite straight, and there are unwarranted tears in my eyes._

 _I don't understand Booth. Well I do understand. Or do I? I don't know. But I want to. I want to know why I couldn't give you a chance in front of the Hoover, but I could in your car at almost midnight. I want to understand how you moved on so quickly, and how you fell from those feelings so miserably._

 _God. I can't think straight. Alcohol is a depressant... I'll feel better in the morning. I think. But I have too much to say now. So I'll just regret these words tomorrow._

 _I love you Booth. Love right? It's love? Yes I do think it's love. But you're not ready to love me again. I can understand that. But I also don't understand. I want another choice Booth. I want to be with you, to comfort you, to have you comfort me. It took me an hour to go to you. Even though I knew how much you would need the support. I don't like how long it took me to go to you. I should have been able to do that right away. You shouldn't have already been drunk by the time I got there. Although we both left drunk so I guess it didn't matter. But it did. I should have been there for you._

 _I liked Hannah. But I was really jealous. She had you. And you had her. You didn't need me anymore. I felt more alone than ever. It was different this time. I wasn't without people, I was with people who made me feel alone. And that was so much worse Booth. But all I wanted was for you to be happy. That's all I want._

 _Well maybe not all I want. I'd like to see my mother again. I'd maybe like to have a daughter. Preferably with you as the father. Right. Hannah. Damn vodka._

 _You are hurt. Angry at women. I can see why. But I also wish you could see how much I do love you. I rejected you because a significant part of me truly thought you'd be better off without me. I thought you deserved better._

 _I know now how foolish that was. I'm incredibly intelligent and beautiful. And I can offer you what you deserve. Those qualities only come out when I'm with you, so I can only offer them to you. Maybe we will get our chance Booth. Maybe you will recover from your anger and your broken trust. Maybe I can learn how to let others into my heart, as you would say. Maybe I can swallow my fear and be with you. Maybe one day we'll both be strong enough to give the other a chance._

 _But I can see that day is not today. Another choice. I want another choice Booth. I want a steamy back seat scene and a lazy afternoon with you by my side. But that is not tonight. Tonight is just too much alcohol and words that I will most definitely regret in the morning._

I read over the letter, my unfocused eyes jumping between lines. I giggled at my atrocious handwriting. As an afterthought, I signed my full name at the bottom and pressed my lips to the page, leaving a faint pink impression under my name.

* * *

I woke up groggily, blinking my eyes in confusion. _Why am I sitting at the island? Did I not get into bed last night?_ I shook my head then winced and pressed my hand to my temple. A raging headache. Shit. I had been out with Booth. I sighed and looked around, my eyes landing on the paper. _Damn. What had I written in my depressed, drunken stupor?_

I read over the letter, wincing at some parts and sighing at others. Unfortunately, I am very honest when I'm drunk. Every word was true, somewhat over states or confused perhaps, but true. _Should I throw it out?_ I sighed. I'd never thrown out a letter to him. This would not be the exception. Making my way clumsily into my bedroom, I picked a picture of one of my digs and slid the letter inside the frame.

* * *

 **Again, so sorry it's been so long! Review, let me know what you guys think!**

 **~AlphaGirl13**


	9. Given

**Hey readers! Long time no see. I am back from camp, so I am working on a few updates for you all. I am in the process of one for Everything I've Done, so I might have that for you all next week? I hope so. Anyway, inspiration struck and I wrote this for you all. It takes place during season 6 episode 9, the Doctor in the Photo. Hope you all enjoy.  
**

 **~AlphaGirl13**

* * *

 _Booth,_

 _I miss our guy hugs._

 _And as much as I hate to admit it, I could really use one. But we're not really in that place are we? I can't exactly get comfort from the source of my pain._

 _Do you realize how much I have given you Booth? What you said the other night, that love is "thinking of someone before yourself. It's giving your life, is necessary, to that person", do you realize how strongly that applies to me right now? I've given you everything. I have essentially given you my blessing. I returned from maluku, ready to give us a chance. But you had moved on, so I let you. I thought of your feelings before I gave my heart a second glance._

 _Last year, when you asked me to take a chance on us, I couldn't. Think about it Booth, it took you five years to get up the courage to ask me. Five years. Yet you couldn't give me five seconds to work up the courage to say yes. You couldn't think about how your question might make feel. You couldn't consider how terrifying it might be for me, to take a chance on the most reliable friendship I had ever been in. You couldn't think past your own emotions, to consider that maybe I didn't have the strength to risk losing you._

 _And yet, here we are. I have lost you. I didn't take a chance with you because I couldn't risk losing you as a friend. I couldn't risk losing the most reliable person in my life. Yet I lost you anyway. And I never once considered my own emotions in all of this. I have supported you 100%. I have helped Hannah when she wanted advice on what gift to give you. And when I watched you open that gift, your smile, your joy, I instinctively said "you're welcome." But it wasn't from me, it wasn't me making you smile. I have thought only of you Booth. These past weeks, I have only thought of you._

 _Everything I've done has been in support of you. I have bitten back my own feelings, and simply supported you. I have given you my happiness so that you can have your own. I cannot give you anymore. I have given you my faith, my support, my help, my silence, and my happiness._

 _So when I thought of myself tonight, I felt irrationally guilty. I never expected you to say that we could have a chance. But I had reached my breaking point. I had been beating myself down for weeks, and I just needed you to know. So, for one night, I thought of myself. I told you how I feel. And yeah, I didn't do it in the best way possible. But I did it in the only way that I could manage._

 _I don't know what I expected from you. But I didn't expect you to drop me off at home and drive away. I didn't expect you to ask if you could call someone for me. I didn't expect you to not realize how often I've been alone. I didn't expect you to sit silently in the car and watch me cry. I didn't expect you to refuse to meet my gaze. Perhaps I expected too much of you in thinking that you might try to comfort me. I guess that's it. I expected too much of you, and I was wrong tonight. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have let you be happy. I'm sorry for that Booth._

 _I have given you everything I can. And I have only thought of you until tonight. I'm sorry, that was wrong of me._

 _I miss you. I wish we could go back to last year, I would say yes. We would be happy. But right now, it isn't me who makes you happy. It's Hannah. And that's what I want. So I'll just continue how I have been. I love you Booth. By your definition, I love you._

 _Bones_

I place down the pen and cover my face in my hands. I'm alone, just like I told Booth I wanted to be. But I'm not at home. I'm in the lab, like I have been spending my nights for the past few weeks.

I breathe deeply, my chest shaking with unreleased sobs. Sliding the letter behind the only picture on my desk, I hang my head over the paperwork and lift my pen. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the light glare on the glass of the frame. Booth's smile shines back at me, and I see my smile next to his. I can't remember the last time I smiled like that.

I gingerly tip the frame over so it rests picture down on my desk. I have work to do.

* * *

 **Please review, I truly love feedback. I've missed writing. It's good to be back:)**

 **~AlphaGirl13**


	10. Gratitude

**Hey readers! God, it's been awhile. If you haven't noticed, I changed my name to AlphGirl447 to include a little of the show in my penname. If you're a Bones fan and don't know what 447 is, look it up. Anyway, this is a short little chapter for you guys from the Woman in Limbo. Enjoy!**

 **~AlphaGirl447**

 _o0o_

 _Booth,_

 _I know you saw the dedication. You're not as sly as you think you are. The entire point of not letting you read the manuscript was so that would be a surprise once the book was published. I didn't stop you though. I guess after the past few days, that was the least I could offer you._

 _I never thanked you for everything. But I can't say it to your face. You've seen my at my worst, at my most vulnerable, and I hate that. I can't stand that you saw me cry. I don't break down in front of people. I don't break down at all. But that moment, in that barn, I just lost all control. My sense of identity was shattered, and all I had were those words that tumbled from my lips. Maybe you'll think this is too poetic for me, but I am an author. I know how to describe an emotion, I just can't do so without careful thought._

 _I've thought hard about what to say in this letter. I've also thought about whether or not I'm going to give it to you. Even as I sit here and write, I do not know if you will ever read it. I don't think you will. So I'm going to speak my mind, and I am going to say all the things that I can't say in person, in the moment._

 _I was in a lot of pain these past few days. You don't know what I've gone through, but this reality of my parents, especially my mother, has cut me to the core. And yet, even though I pushed you away at first, you came after me. You brought my favorite food in the middle of the night because you knew I would be unable to sleep. You listened to my questions, you tried to give me answers, and you helped me when I was struggling. So thank you Booth. Thank you for being there for me when I didn't think I was someone worth staying for._

 _While I am mortified that you saw me break in that barn, I am glad you were there. It comforted me to know that there was someone who knew who I was, when I didn't know myself. You've stood beside me through all of this and I know I can't thank you enough. And I certainly won't be able to thank you to your face. But thank you. It meant the world to me._

 _Brennan_

The letter sitting on the counter, I laid my head down and stared at the wall. Hanging there was a picture of my parents, the only one I had framed. My lungs shook as I took labored breaths in and out. The weight of the truth I had uncovered pressed down on me and I willingly gave in to the sleep that had alluded me for so many days.

That's how Russ found me the next morning, asleep in my clothes with my head on the kitchen counter.

"Hey I'm heading out alright? I'll be back a little later." Russ slung a messenger bag over his shoulder as I blinked sleepily.

"Um. Yeah. Bye."

He reached towards me and I tensed, expecting a hug that I wasn't prepared for. Instead, he reached behind me and picked up the letter.

"A letter to Booth? You want me to mail it while I'm out today?"

I took the letter back and folded it into neat fourths. "No. I-I'm not mailing it."

Russ nodded and shut the door. I sighed deeply and walked over to the picture hanging on the wall. I'd have to get one of me and Booth at some point. Trembling slightly, I took off the back and slid the letter behind the glass. He didn't have to know. We could just forget everything that happened. He wouldn't expect a thank you from me. And I couldn't give him one.

o0o

 **I hope you all enjoyed this short chapter. Please review! It's always nice to know people are reading your work.**

 **~AlphaGirl447**


	11. Heartbeat

**This chapter is a thank you to loverofbones, who wanted to see a letter from S6 Ep 22- The Hole In The Heart. I hope you all enjoy!**

 **Love always,**

 **AlphaGirl447**

* * *

 _Booth,_

 _I need you to come back safely. I need you to be alive at the end of today._

 _You are out chasing Broadsky right now and I can't do anything to keep you safe. Not a thing. But damn it Booth we finally crossed your "line" last night and I need you to come back. You are not allowed to die._

 _We have been through too much for you to die now. You need to come back safely. I need you to come back safely._

 _I need_ _you_ _._

 _You support me and you hold me. You teach and nurture me. I need you to come back because I don't know what my life is without you. I'm sitting here, in my office, totally powerless as you chase down a mass murderer, and I cannot begin to fathom my life without you._

 _You have become my everything. You have made yourself an integral part of my being, and I don't want to know what it would feel like to lose that part of me._

 _I got a taste of that feeling while Hannah was here. You pulled back, which was to be expected since you had a girlfriend. But I cannot deny that it hurt. My best friend and the man I loved hardly ever looked at me. We didn't go out after cases, and we didn't spend time together other than car rides and interrogations. I started to look forward to your phone calls saying we had a case, because that was the only time you ever called me anymore. I missed you. I missed you terribly. And I don't know what would happen if you do not come back today._

 _You know Booth, we are just the right separation in height so that when you hug me, I can hear your heart beating. But with Hannah here, I hadn't heard your heart in months. I hadn't heard that rhythmic pulsing that for some reason always put me at ease._

 _So last night, as you held me against your chest and we laid on your bed, I closed my eyes and I just listened to your heart. I listened to the proof that you were alive and safe. And you held me tight and rubbed my back, and eventually I got up the courage to kiss you. And we made love. But even with all of that, the most comforting thing is always your heart beat._

 _So I need you to keep that. I need you to come back tonight with your heart still beating because I do not know if I can handle never hearing your heartbeat again._

 _I don't know if I can survive._

 _So come back. Stay alive. Come home to me._

As I laid down the pen with a shaking hand, Angela rushed into my office as fast as her belly would allow.

"Come on. They're gonna call us when Broadsky is in custody."

I bit my lip and nodded, running out to join the rest of the team in the lounge. My cell phone was on the table, agonizingly silent. By some miracle I sat still, probably due to preoccupation than anything else. He had to be alive. There was no other possibility.

So when that phone rang, I lunged for it and brought it anxiously to my ear. Booth had to be alive. He just had to be.

* * *

 **There you go, a letter from the episode that finally got our star-crossed lovers together. Please review!**

 **Love always,**

 **AlphaGirl447**


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